You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize