about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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