It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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