just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
