Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize