Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
