Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
