Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
