Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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