I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This baby is an asshole
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
