If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
