True but thats because hes a fetus.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize