Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
