The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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