For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
