She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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