I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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