Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
and you fell through a lawn chair
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
