WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
