brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
