thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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