I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
