I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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