Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
