Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
