i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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