You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
