its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
