For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
