I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
