highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
