OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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