We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
