**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
