I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
