hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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