I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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