can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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