Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
