im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
