Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
