If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
