The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
