I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
