i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
