so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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