I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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