The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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