you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
