I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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