ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
