your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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