i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize