Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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