It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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