Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He passed out mid-signature
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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