im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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