Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
