This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
