honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The uberlube is also flammable
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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