my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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