Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
