I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
