I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
