Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
