how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
