Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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