last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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