the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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