Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
