Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
