If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
