with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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