I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
