Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize