Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
