the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
